From Burden to Balance : Releasing Legacy Trauma with IFS
Internal Family Systems (IFS) provides a profound lens for understanding legacy burdens—cultural beliefs and emotions passed down through generations. These burdens, often inherited unconsciously, can significantly shape our lives without our direct awareness. Common examples include feelings of shame, perfectionism, conformity, materialism, and anxiety.
Asian Americans, in particular, frequently confront legacy burdens linked to intergenerational trauma from war, poverty, violence, abandonment, and discrimination. In my work with Asian clients, I often recognize these patterns manifesting in their experiences.
For instance, I’ve discovered a part of myself that carries a deep anxiety about financial stability. As I held space for this part, I uncovered a profound fear of becoming homeless. Initially, my rational mind dismissed this fear, believing homelessness was unlikely for me. However, I’ve come to understand the significant losses my ancestors endured—their homes, families, and belongings taken during Japan’s colonization and the Korean War. Personally, I have felt the pain of leaving my homeland, my language, and my family connections behind while immigrating to the U.S. Additionally, I witnessed my parents struggle with financial instability, which led to significant tragedies and traumas. Thus, I carry not only my own fears but also the weight of my ancestors' burdens.
A common struggle among many immigrant clients is the instinct for survival. Our ancestors faced immense violence and poverty, leaving behind a legacy of resilience intertwined with a constant state of fear and readiness to fight for the well-being of future generations.
For immigrants, these inherited burdens often grow heavier as we navigate life in a new environment, working tirelessly under the pressure of survival in a foreign land. This sense of urgency can feel overwhelming, almost like a matter of life or death. Unfortunately, this mindset often gets passed down to our children, who are expected to adopt the same attitudes. When they find it challenging to meet these expectations, it can lead to conflicts within families, often manifesting as feelings of “not enough” and “being lazy.”
Recognizing and understanding these legacy burdens can help us cultivate compassion for our internal parts. By gaining insight into how these burdens shape our values, beliefs, and emotional responses, we can create pathways for significant healing within ourselves. This awareness allows us to embrace our authentic selves, leading to a more fulfilling life.
Recently, I had the privilege of guiding one of my clients in inviting her grandfather to support her in unburdening some of her legacy burdens. She acknowledged that certain aspects of her burdens belonged to her ancestors. During our session, she shared a cherished memory of skipping rocks with her grandfather as a child. Inviting her late grandfather into our session, she asked him—her unwavering supporter—to help her release her burdens by skipping a rock into the river. Witnessing this moment was profoundly moving.
Unburdening is the process of letting go of beliefs that no longer serve us and consciously choosing the legacies we wish to honor and carry forward. Our ancestors would be proud as we respect and honor their resilience in overcoming difficulties. I choose to create more space for my own experiences with a healthy mindset.
Moreover, I want to reassure you that we inherit not only burdens from our ancestors but also many gifts, which I will explore in my next blog post.
Questions to Reflect On:
What is your legacy burden, and from whom in your family did you inherit it?
How do you experience this legacy burden in your body?
What are the benefits and costs of carrying this legacy burden?
How does it affect your day-to-day life?